Morbid?

I crawled into bed last night next to Tyler. The sheets were cool and his body was warm. I slid in close like I always do and closed my eyes. Our house was quiet except for the noise from the TV. I could hear the local news talking about a plane crash in western Kentucky. A family was killed but their seven year old daughter survived the crash. The family would have a private funeral at a funeral home but visitation would be open to the public at a local school gymnasium.

As I lay there comfortable in my bed, I started thinking about my own funeral. I asked Tyler if he had given his any thought. He answered a couple questions but told me he didn't want to talk about it anymore because it felt morbid to him.

I continued on in my head, making a checklist of sorts.  Things I wanted. Things I did not.....

• I think I'd like to have a viewing, then a funeral, followed by a graveside service.
• I'd love my brother to serve as a pallbearer. Other than having him do so, I have no other specifications about that.
• I want a eulogy! -Not by a preacher who knows my story but by someone who loves me- preferably my husband. No sad stuff, tell all the great things I did.
• No dresses. I'm never comfortable in them.
• Lilacs, hydrangeas, dahlias, and spider mums are some of my favorites,  but my number one favorite flowers are peonies- especially the blush, pink, or whites. 
• No black! My favorite color is blue and I'd love for people to wear some form of it.
• I don't want to be touched at my funeral or viewing. I know that sometimes people feel the need to reach out and touch one last time but I really feel strongly about this.
• I also do not want to have pictures taken inside the funeral home- especially not of me. Please don't.
• If I have suffered from some illness that has taken away my 'beauty', I'd prefer a closed casket. I don't want to think of people talking about how I 'didn't look good'. No one looks normal at that point.
• And a note to friends.. if you hear anyone say.. "She's in a better place", hit them.

No one wants to talk about their funeral. Death is unpleasant and unwelcome but always inevitable. I know that it's not typical for people of my age to think of such things but death comes so unexpectedly sometimes that we don't have the time to discuss the things that we want. I've seen friends lose parents and parents lose children and often times I wonder if their last wishes were considered.. or even known.