How to Prepare for Guests

I get more cleaning done in ten minutes before someone comes over than I get accomplished all week.

Ugh.

All hands on deck!

First area of attack: living room. Start picking up everything that I've been staring at all week. Cups on the end table. Socks between the couch cushions.

Kids take shoes and miscellaneous clothes to their rooms.

Realization: I can't get by without vacuuming because the floor is littered with crumbs from dinner and tiny shards of paper from the kids. Shit. Vacuum.

All the dust from the carpet makes the wood furniture even more dusty. Shit. Wipe down the surfaces.

Now it smells like I've 'cleaned', right? No.. Better add a melt to my burner.

Run around like a crazy person taking things to the places they belong.

Tyler mocks me; "Your mom must be coming over." Give him the finger.

Hurriedly add dirty dishes to sink of hot, soapy water.. Do I actually 'do dishes' or just appear to be caught in the middle?? Hmm... 

Quickly sweep the kitchen floor and spot-mop any sticky stuff I find while letting dishes 'soak'.

Give the counters a quick wipe down and the air a spray- if I can find any air freshener. Of course, I'm out. Spritz a few quick sprays of a cleaner in the air. Don't laugh- you've done it too.

Have the kids shut the doors to all rooms not necessary for viewing.

Mentally make list of things that really need done when guests leave.. like those damn dishes.

Sit on the couch and try and catch my breath looking like... I've been relaxing all day.. my house always looks and smells this good.

Realize as guests arrive, I never touched the bathroom. Hope no one has to pee. Shit.